you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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