if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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