Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
