I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize