im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
