I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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