apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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