i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
