yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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