You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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