I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
