Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
