the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
