My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
