Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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