i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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