I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have post one night stand depression
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