Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
