She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
