maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
