If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
