kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
