Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Acid is not a monday night drug
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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