I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
