you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
