I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
