Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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