I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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