The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
