dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
