There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
