sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
