I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
