We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
