Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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