I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
