Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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