My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
