Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
