i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
