Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
