And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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