FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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