she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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