Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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