i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
