hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
