We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
