I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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