In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
