birth control should be required to get into college
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
