This is not my ceiling
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
