You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
