oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
