I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
even my farts smell like vagina
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
