i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
