There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
