I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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