May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
