If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
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Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
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Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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