I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
