i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
