So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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