whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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