You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
