Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
