He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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