why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
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Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.