dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.