Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
