You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?