Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
23 Annoying things Girls Do When They’re Trying To Be Cute
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.