just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.