Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.