I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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