I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
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For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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