If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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